We’ve all been there. It’s 2 am, and the weight of an impending final exam slowly creeps up on us. Who cares if we are nearing the end of a 24-hour workday if we just.
Can’t.
Finish.
Everything?
For perfectionists, this is an inevitable mindset that overwhelms a majority of our day-to-day lives. It creates a distorted sense of reality, forcing us to achieve a multitude of endless goals, scores, and expectations. People tend to view the mindset as a helpful incentive encouraging our strong sense of purpose, setting us up for a future of success and high achievement. While yes, it can be viewed as a helpful factor in motivation, the accredited psychology organization PsychologyToday explains that perfectionism is often linked to negative consequences including “procrastination, a tendency to avoid challenges, rigid all-or-nothing thinking, toxic comparisons, and a lack of creativity” (PsychologyToday). Many students face this dilemma, especially with the weight of societal pressure and expectations forced upon them.
Perfectionist students essentially feel the need to attain nothing but stellar grades, focusing more on memorizing useless facts than actually understanding the content. This brings up the question of whether or not educational standards send the right message, as the pressure of being “perfect” weighs heavily on learners. It is very easy to get caught up in what everyone around us is doing and achieving when really, we all have our own sets of skills and accomplishments. Making a few mistakes here and there can be daunting, yet it simply allows us to grow and face reality. When it comes to intense academic environments, our very own math teacher, Mrs. Barlow, understands the stress that students often place upon themselves. When asked about the subject of student perfectionism, she claims that “being perfect is not that important; after all, teachers make mistakes too!” Yes, you read that right. Everyone makes mistakes! The entire point of school is to learn and to GROW, rather than remain stagnant in an endless cycle of memorization and fruitless note-taking. Teachers are still learning too, after all.
And what’s more, the concept of perfectionism extends beyond the pressures of high school academics. It branches into every aspect of our lives, from our careers to our relationships. Perfectionism impacts productivity in the workplace, as employees struggle to finish every last detail of a project, essentially wasting their own time and missing important deadlines. Perfectionism holds partners to impossibly high standards, resulting in unhappiness on both ends. Perfectionism is an orange cartoon character in a striped turtleneck, anxiously planning and plotting every possible failure (Inside Out 2 fans anywhere?).
And yet, to truly understand the psychology of perfectionism, we must delve deeper into the underlying factors that drive individuals to undermine their own potential. It’s a controversial issue requiring an introspective approach, allowing us to look within ourselves and discover what unconsciously motivates us towards unattainable standards. Examining the concept from a genetic standpoint, it can be observed that genes shape our perception of societal pressure and expectations. Higher levels of neuroticism, or negative emotional stimulation, reveal the extent to which internal self-doubt controls perfectionists. Of course, with nature comes nurture, so essentially, a culture promoting high-performance standards would mold an approval-seeking individual. More specifically, parents have a way of contributing to their children’s perfectionist tendencies through authoritative approaches, from laying out strict expectations to rewarding certain levels of performance with love and attention. Certain traumas in childhood have a way of intensifying sensitivity to rejection and criticism, ranging from familial divorce to abuse.
It plays a prominent role in determining our sense of self-worth, as we often feel that we are “not good enough” to simply remain “average.” We want to do better, be better, time and time again to prove a point to those around us. Psychotherapist Sylwia Kuchenna, founder of Horizon Mental Health Clinic, interprets perfectionism “as a form of shield to protect against the pain of blame, judgment, or shame” (Kuchenna). The crippling self-doubt works its way into our nervous system, stimulating tension and an almost fight-or-flight state that compels us to keep busy, to keep productive. To gain a greater feeling of control over our lives, we frequently engage in self-deteriorating behavior and ignore our bodily needs, like sleep and hunger. Yet, the belief that every action must have a positive outcome is simply impossible. Avoiding positive self-care poses a severe detriment to the future of our mental and physical state of mind.
It is important to note that there are a few unique types of perfectionism, including personal standards and self-critical perfectionism. The initial type serves as a healthier approach to accomplishing high self-standards since it involves energizing motivation and self-satisfaction. People who utilize this nature of perfectionism tend to steer clear of harmful coping mechanisms and instead feel rejuvenated by the challenges of achievement. On the other hand, self-critical perfectionism is a more intimidating type that can impose feelings of hopelessness and distress among individuals. Those afflicted with this mindset commonly chase after unrealistic goals that slowly deteriorate their sense of self. Failure is the monster hiding under their beds, waiting for a single slip-up to pounce. At least, that’s what self-critical perfectionists believe, where they view a mistake as the doomsday of their entire learning process. In most instances, this unwavering determination to reach perfection is the doomsday of the mind, leading to an agonizing self-burnout.
However, there is a plethora of tools available to cope with unhealthy perfectionism as mentioned by the mental health organization Oregon Counseling, with the first step being to become “aware of your perfectionist thoughts and tendencies” (Oregon Counseling). Taking the time to write down thoughts and address our feelings significantly improves the perfectionist mindset, as it encourages us to reflect and make sense of our complex emotions. Furthermore, setting realistic goals and celebrating small victories slowly heals the part of ourselves that is so hyper-focused on accomplishing every task in the book. With this, perfectionism doesn’t have to control every aspect of our lives, and can instead be used more positively. After all, no one is perfect!
